Believe me when I say I am the queen of fear and worry. I’ve been wearing that crown all my life. And becoming a parent only gives you that much more to worry about. We worry when our kids get sick; we worry when they have a problem with a friend; we worry when they lack motivation for school work. Many of us are in a constant state of worry. We are bombarded by reasons to worry every day.
But one thing I’ve learned is that nothing good is served by holding a “fear” state within. We don’t serve our kids by feeling worried about them. We are energetically connected to our children, and our energy impacts them to a large degree. When we hold fear in connection with them, they absorb it. What we find is that when you hold a particular fear state related to your child, she too can begin to hold the same fear about herself, often without even realizing it. If you accept that our feelings attract our life’s circumstances, then you can see that by holding a fear state about our kids, it can actually help them bring more of that which is feared into their lives. Fears are “super charged” with emotion, and emotion is the fuel that gives power to our thoughts. It is this mix of thoughts with emotion that become a powerful force for manifestation.
When I find myself slipping into the spiral of fear or any other negative emotion, I like to remind myself of a saying — it goes something like this:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words
Watch your words, they become actions
Watch your actions, they become habits
Watch your habits, they become character
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny”
~ author unknown
What a powerful idea to teach to your children! Our destiny begins with our thoughts.
As a parent, it is so important that we break the cycle of fear and worry-based thinking. Fear is just a state of mind, and the best way to help our children with their fears is by first changing our own fearsome thoughts – by changing our own state of mind. If you can manage your own emotions, your children will learn by your example how to manage their emotions. They may not be at a maturity level yet to exhibit what they pick up from you, but the model you exhibit will be absorbed by their subconscious mind.
This may sound easier said than done. What if you are characterized as a “worry wart”? What if you are so entrenched in this pattern of fear and worry? How can you change thoughts that have become so habitual; thoughts that have become such a part of your being?
Here are a series of 3 questions I ask myself that help me get off the worry track and on to a more positive track with my thoughts:
1) What am I gaining by holding this fear? Am I getting some kind of attention that I might not otherwise get by not having this fear? Some people unknowingly create physical issues as a result of their worries about getting sick so that can feel attended to by a physician.
2) What thoughts am I avoiding by holding this fear? What would I be thinking about if I didn’t have to worry? Are you using your fear as an excuse for not making progress on something more positive?
3) How likely is it that what I fear will come to pass? What evidence do I have that it will happen? Sometimes when we separate the thoughts from the emotion and look at the thought logically, we realize that the likelihood of the fear actually coming true is not that great.
Asking yourself these questions can often take the “charge” out of the thought based in fear. If you can uncover the deeper reasons for the thought, you lessen its power. I’ve found that the more I breakdown my fear-based thoughts and understand where they are coming from and what they really mean, the less likely I am to jump into them so quickly next time. Remember, you alone are responsible for your own state of mind. When you accept responsibility for your state of mind, you become an incredible model for personal power.