So many parents and teachers wish to create some kind of positive change in the lives of their children. They wish to help their kids avoid the mistakes they made, they want them to reach for their highest potential, and they want them to be happy. So, they seek this solution and that recommendation looking for the one thing that will make a real difference.
While there is nothing inherently wrong in seeking these solutions, and it is always done with the best of intentions, what they often fail to realize is where the change has to start. It’s not with the outside solutions; it’s not with something the child needs to do. It is with the adult; the parent or teacher.
Here are three quotes that really capture this idea:
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
~Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
“In the power to change yourself is the power to change the world around you.”
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
When you see an undesirable situation being encountered by your children, it is wise to view it as an invitation to ask yourself what might be inside you that is being reflected in your child’s situation. Often we see our limiting patterns being played out in the lives of our children.
I can’t tell you how many times I have seen significant overnight change in children’s lives when the adults in their lives spend some time looking within for what they might need to change.
It may be acknowledging that what you experienced as a child does not need to be a reality for your child. It may be admitting that the doubts you hold as a parent are holding your child back.
Here is an exercise you can try if you find your child in the midst of a challenge:
1) Go to a quiet place with a notebook and a pen. Take a few slow, deep breaths, quieting your mind.
2) With paper and pen available, ask yourself “What am I not looking at within myself that may be creating this situation for my child?”
3) Write down whatever comes up for you without judgment.
4) Review what you wrote down, and see the truth that exists behind the limiting belief. Just because something similar may have happened to you, does not mean it has to be true for your child.
5) Find a positive affirmation that can replace the limiting belief with an empowering one.
After following this process, watch what changes for your child. You may be surprised to see positive changes occurring for your child the very next day!
I’d love to know what you think about this process, especially if you try it! Please share your thoughts here.